Learning to Let Go

This past fall I took Drawing I with Julie Jacobson and while I had some improvement to my artistic skills the greatest lesson I learned was “everything’s a matter of perspective.” One of my favorite parts about traveling for an extended period of time is the ability to reflect back on my everyday life from a different view and see things I wouldn’t necessarily see if I were in the thick of it all. As many of you may know, the number one goal I have been chasing since about the age of 12 is to fall in love, get married, and have a family. Since coming to Tunisia one of the things that has continued to make its way into my endless stream of thoughts is the topic of love. For those of you that know me, you know I have a number of quotes I live my life by. One of the doctrines that I believe has truly brought much of the success I have been afforded over the years is the quote “Plan your work and work your plan.” Despite being able to apply this rule to many of the other ambitions I have entertained over the years, I have come to realize that this method maybe null and void when dealing with love. Being the semi controlling person that I am, It is a little unsettling to come to terms with the fact that I can’t plan love and that it may be my lot that the grand image that I had for my life may never be..... Regardless I realize that while love may be out of my control, maybe it’s for the best. As I sit here writing, the question “ How can one plan love?” comes to mind. I realize that true love can’t be forced. With that said I guess I must unclench the plank of control I’ve been holding on to and allow myself to fall into the sea of vulnerability. For someone like me who is always scheming and planning, it’s easier said than done but today I have decided, I’m learning to let go.  

untitled

Dignity.....

Soul emancipator of man

Can I get there alone or must I reach out for a helping hand

Dignity oh Dignity

Holder of Truth and Love

Reaching this destination alone were there compromises of shame

Help me mind oh Help me friend a light to an untamed trail

Fearful of living in vain

Perched like a songbird waiting for the liberating sun

Singing. singing..singing... the cry of unknown

-Arsenio 

 

Don't Stop Me Now: a message to myself

For those of you reading my blog you probably know that I’m constantly thinking. As I set out to document my latest adventure via blog, I thought it important to at least explain how my mind works in an attempt to create a place of understanding between the reader and I. In a juvenile attempt to prevent boredom by going into full detail I would compare the way my mind functions to an endless stream of images, sounds, and emotions focusing on past experiences, today’s own encounters, and the possibilities of the future. Though I am often told that I over analyze, and I acknowledge that, Yes, my constant thinking at times is my worst enemy, I also believe it serves as one of my best assets. With that said I welcome you to come along on a trek I have been on for the past three years. The journey of self-discovery. Since beginning undergraduate at CofC in the fall of 2007 I have been on the search to answer the questions: WHO AM I? and WHERE DO I WANT TO GO.....   While I am flattered to know that there are individuals out there willing to take time out of their day to read about my most recent encounters and reflections and while I am eternally grateful that you hold me important enough to share your time with me, I must admit that the mission of this blog is to be able to go back and see the personal growth I have made during my time in Tunisia. As I sit on the Air France plane just minutes away from completing the first leg of my travel to Tunisia I am contemplating the question of what do I stand in gaining from this experience, and what obstacles linger in the way of this growth. Aside from the obvious improvements to my Arabic skills, I expect to gain an opportunity to challenge some of the western cultural norms I have grown accustom to during my 22 years of life.  As many of you know, there are many differences in a person’s mindset depending on where a person is reared. I pray that this short exposure to eastern culture will push me closer to finally being able to unlock an answer to my aforementioned questions. As far as obstacles that could possibly hinder my personal growth, I view myself as my greatest opponent. I often find myself focusing the majority of my attention on my own objectives. When communicating with others I often find myself wondering, “Did I merely hear the thoughts and concerns that the person tried to convey to me, or did I truly listen and eternalize their message?” As I near the end of my undergraduate career I have found it pertinent that I develop strong listening skills. While many would find the words LISTENING and HEARING synonymous, I fear holding that point of view for my self. As previously mentioned I believe listening allows for an individual to find a deeper understanding in the thoughts and words conveyed between individuals. As I continue to embark on this personal journey of self-discovery I view the ability of truly listening as one of the key combatants against my habit of solely focusing on self.

In closing, thanks again for coming along for the journey. I ask that you help me continue to develop my listening skills by leaving your comments to my post. While I don’t promise to always respond, I do vow to eternalize your thoughts and words.

 

 

Written June 3 2010

-Arsenio